Aventuras del Campesino

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Baby Chower

I got invited to a baby shower a few months ago. I know what you’re thinking…baby showers are miserable little parties where ladies get together to talk about babies and verbally bash the entire male species; why would I ever want to attend such an event? Well let me explain why it is important to never pass up an opportunity to attend a baby shower, or as they call it, “baby chower”, in a latin country. The baby shower took place at the community kareoke bar, which is located two doors down from my house. The event started with everyone drinking tons of beer and rum until they built up enough liquid courage to sing a few songs. Drunken singalongs continued for a few hours, and was followed by dancing. We danced merengue, bachata, and regaeton (aka humping music).

Top 5 reasons why the easiest country to be a Peace Corps volunteer is the Dominican Republic:

1. The DR is a tropical island in the Carribean (cold water bucket baths actually feel good)
2. There are up to 200 PC volunteers in this country that is smaller than Rhode Island, so you never have to go to far to see and american friend when things get stressful.
3. We have cell phones provided with an unlimited family plan between all PC volunteers and staff.
4. A flight home can take as little as 2 hours depending on what state you are from.
5. When hurricanes threaten the island, PC orders all volunteers to consolidate at 5 star hotels for a week with AC, hot water, buffets, internet, a gym, and a swimming pool. This is actually what has just occurred with Hurican Tomas.

Adventure to Jose’s House

The other day I went to visit Jose, a fellow volunteer who lives in a little town called Puerto Juanita. I got a late start and didn’t get on the bus to his house until about 5pm. To get to his house, you have to get off the bus at the entrance to a dirt road and take a motorcycle for about an hour. While on the bus, I was telling some other passengers where I was going and I suddenly found out that I had put myself in a potentially dangerous situation. They informed me that if I attempted to get to Puerto Juanita, I would have to ride a motorcycle at night, which more often than not leads to robbery and death. The kind passengers then started offering me solutions to get out of this terrible predicament. One lady suggested that I stay at her house which is about an hour away from the entrance to Jose’s town. Then another lady contended that I could stay at her house, which is only 30 minites from the entrance to Jose’s house. The two ladies started getting into a heated debate in attempt to win me as a guest in their house. It went something like this:

Lady #1: I live on the way to where he’s going.

Lady #2: Yeah but I live in Monte Cristi which is a place that everyone should go to at least once!

Lady #1: I have a guest bed with clean sheets!

Lady #2: Well I’m gonna prepare him a tasty dinner with boiled plantains and salami!

Lady #1: Obviously I’m going to feed him, and I’m also going to introduce him to my niece!

Lady #2: I have family in North Carolina so I know what Americans like!

Lady #1: Yes but if you remember, I was the one who started talking to him first so we are already friends!

In the end, Lady #1 won my company simply because she lived closer to Jose’s house. I got off the bus with my new friend and walked about 5 minutes to her house. Waiting there at the house was her husband, who she introduced to me as the blind preacher. He was in fact blind, and he was in fact the community preacher for the evangelical church. We quickly ate dinner and headed to church. I wanted to call Jose who was expecting me to arrive that night, but he doesn’t have cell phone reception at his site. I whitnessed how a blind man preaches the word of God, which is strikingly similar to how Stevie Wonder plays the piano. I was introduced to everyone we passed as the silly gringo who practically tried to kill himself. We got back to the house, relaxed, and made some good conversation. Here are some examples of the most interesting topics of discussion:

The preacher’s wife told me how her husband previously had a bent penis that prevented them from making love for two years, but just recently, God cured him and now they go at it like rabbits. Being extreme evangelists, the preacher and his wife have a bit of a rivalry with the catholics. They explained to me that all catholics go to hell because they pray to Mary and not to Jesus, and for this reason, you can find many well-known people in hell such as Michael Jackson and all of the Popes. The neighbor then came over and told me how her husband had been praying up in the mountain for 2 days. I didn’t have the to heart break it to her that he is probably cheating on her.

I eventually retired for the evening and got a good night’s sleep on their spare bed. In the morning, we had an emotional goodbye, and I headed off to Jose’s house. I arrived an hour later to find Jose quite relieved to see me and very curious to know where I had been. I said “sit down and let me tell you a story…”

Newly discovered nicknames that I find amusing:

Gimp, The Studderer, Cool, Baby, Pica Pica (no translation), and Pidgeon Pea.